Love and Lust

Okay – so I don’t really know what to write today – So I have opted to ramble instead in light of some conversations that took place last night at the Married ones.

They just got back from a Valentines Weekend away – and being as awesome as they are – I was their collective Valentine! Trying to not take it as fittingly tragic that I my only Valentines were married, I took it for what it was – and incredible gesture (cupcakes sent to me at work) that made me feel very positive about my life. In any event – the evening started as it so often does – with gossip and grey’s – while we awaited the arrival of the hard at work husband.

He came home in a lighter mood than usual – and told me how happy he is to be married to who he is married to. He compared his feelings to the often irrationally inconceivable feelings of Shakespeare’s greatest lovers. For once it didn’t make me sad to hear such a dramatic declaration of love. It made me happy that two of my closest friends were able to find something so rare in each other. The rare aspect being that their feelings were not unrequited.

I harboured (or so I thought) the same intense feelings for someone who really did not care for me at all and I was often made to feel very silly indeed for thinking that I knew what love was. I know now that he was right. Even though he was such a big presence in my life – he never loved me. Not the way I needed. And so I think to have someone reciprocate those grand wild and insane feelings would be what it’s supposed to be like. Will it ever happen? I really don’t know. I think maybe it comes from getting older – but I have to accept that it may never happen – and I don’t say this in a defeated way – I just think that it’s more realistic. I’m pasting in some lyrics from a song I stumbled across on my way to work....And I think it’s really beautiful. And I can safely say I have felt this way before – the fact that it is well and truly over doesn’t take away from my feelings in the slightest – and the fact that I was capable of something great even though he wasn’t shouldn’t be taken away from me.

When the rain is blowing in your face

And the whole world is on your case

I would offer you a warm embrace

To make you feel my love

When the evening shadows and the stars appear

And there is no one to dry your tears

I could hold you for a million years

To make you feel my love

I know you haven't made your mind up yet

But I would never do you wrong

I've known it from the moment that we met

No doubt in my mind where you belong

I'd go hungry, I'd go blind for you

I'd go crawling down the aisle for you

There ain't nothing that I wouldn't do

To make you feel my love

The storms are raging on a rolling sea

Down the highway of regret

The winds of change are blowing wild and free

But you ain't seen nothing like me yet

There ain't nothing that I wouldn't do

Go to the ends of the earth for you

Make you happy, make your dreams come true

To make you feel my love

And now to lighten the mood – I paste an image of what I think these feelings look like visually.