Jaded in Johannesburg

So a partner in crime was down from London this weekend past, which led to eleven too many tequila shots. Being blotto on the dancefloor led to some of the most interesting shapes being cut, but it was all fun.

Needless to say Saturday called for a greasy breakfast. Feeling adventurous, a group of us decided to try out Tashas in Morningside. Unlike Mickey D's where we usually start our day (and loving it) we were asked to get a number and wait in line. Being a party of 5, we had plenty to talk about so none of us really minded, hangovers included. Fifteen minutes into it though, the grumpiness from the heat and hunger resulted in some of us getting slightly tempremental. At the moment when I had plucked up enough courage to spew a myriad of filthy expletives at the manager, we were escorted to a rather primely positioned table. Of course we dont have mountains or breezy coastal views in JHB, so lucious locations are restricted to a corner table with both sunlight and shade, and overlooking the parking lot.

Happy that my order of huevos rancheros was in, I scoped the room and was shocked at what I saw. A collection of Sandtons most beautiful men, seductively sipping on skinny cappucinos to keep up with their skinny bitch image (let me just clarify here - a skinny bitch is a confused bitch - its a disease - yes - this coming from the person who refuses to add any salt or sugar to food - sad - i know)....

Anyhoo. There was one guy in particular who I could not take my eyes off. It was like he belonged in a photo shoot and I half expected his crew to leap out from behind the fake plants and touch up his hair. He was single, and clearly gay, but at a table of equally beautiful man. It was the Edward Cullen Canteen table. Feeling incredibly hungover and schloompfy I could only manage oogling him from behind my obnoxiously gigantic Prada.

Completely ignoring my group and sporadically interjecting with a 'Ja, Uhm Hmm. What back door delivery?' I was fascinated by something else. The cars. Aston Martins, Ferraris, Porsches. It was like the set of Top Gear. What really bugged me about the whole day though, was that these people were complete show offs! It was all about their flashy designer gear and even flashier auto mobiles. I knew this was the case when the Lexus started driving parallel to the restaurant and almost ran my chair over. I mean - seriously. How Jaded are these people?! Its so easy to get caught up in this shallow meaningless existance that this city seems to promote. I know some of you are thinking I too have fallen prey by buying the most ridiculous eyewear - not to mention Cooper Cullen, but its entirely different. CC was always my dream. No matter what fashion trends came and went, anyone who has ever known me has known that I have always wanted a mini - and I made that dream a reality for me - no one else - and certainly not so that I could do more laps around the parking lot then Schumacher does in a grand Prix. And the sunnies - again something I do totally for my benefit - noone elses.

I know you are probably thinking these people are entitled to show off their wealth - and sure they are - but dont drive over my chair when I am sipping my skinny cappucino to do so!