El Dentista

So the weekend started off a bit rocky for me. Firstly and most disappointingly, my scale revealed that I had gained 500g in the past week. This hit me harder than Edward reuniting with that faceless hag Beeno in New Moon (I think thats her - name - it escapes me)

Anyhoo - after a week of running till I saw spots, chasing away the meat heads in the weight section and the infamous bugs bunny diet (raw carrots and water), I was expecting the scale to launch me into space for being the one weightless person in the galaxy. Launch me - it did not. Instead it rudely shouted out the numbers at me - and followed the already painful insult with a 'Better luck next time you fat ass bad mammer jammer'

Now excited by the prospect of eating everything in my fridge (including an entire tub of butter) I felt my mood lifting. Then it dawned on me that I had a frightful appointment with....the Dentist.

Eat - I did not. Instead I brushed my teeth and tested my breath. I entered the dental surgery with trepidation - I knew my stint in the UK left me with less than perfect teeth thanks to the glory that is the NHS - but what awaited me was even more shocking. Enter Dr. McHottie Patottie. This man was so beautiful I thought I would faint when he shook my hand.

He asked the usual questions and began his examination...

Dr MHP: I see you have a cavity....
Me: Are you going to be the bad boy that fills it?
Dr MHP: Open Wide please
Me: Why I never! Without the offer of a drink at the very least? How easy do you think I am?
DR MHP: Could you please stop talking so I can drill and fill your cavity?
Me: What the hell kind of shop are you operating here? Do you speak to all your patients like this (*please say no*!)
Dr MHP: Sir - you have a decaying tooth. I would like to remove the decay, and replace it. Your jokes are old and tired.
Me: Okay okay - so you arent gonna buy me a drink - but how about hooking me up with that there anesthetic?

The beautiful doctor then proceeded to get very far into my mouth. I was afraid that I would knock him out with my noxious halitosis breath - but he instead commented on how sparkly my teeth were. Quite bemused at being told I was as strikingly beautiful as Edward Cullen (well in my head anyway) I let the poor doctor finish his work, while only occasionaly trying to lick his gloved hand.

I left feeling frustrated and tired. I had spent an hour in a confined room with one of the hottest men alive who saw more of me than some of my previous lovers, leaving with all my clothes on and a bill.