Flat Ass

So - I think I will be generous and provide you with two groundbreaking posts today. As you can see from the title this one is going to be heavily peppered with hard hitting journalism. I guess I have a lot to say today - so one lighthearted and one serious should work. Compromise. Lovely.

Anyhoo - I was told yesterday that I have a flat ass. HORRIFIED by this statement I ran to the nearest mirror. I just dont understand it. I looked at my (hot) reflection and my worst fears were confirmed. Not even squatting like a frog made my ass pop.

Now I know youre thinking how could I not be cosmically aware of the dimensions of my derriere - butt here is breif background. At school I had a huge ass courtesy of my mother. I was very self concious about it - as I looked like I belonged in some kind of indeginous tribe. J-Lo had nothing on me. I used to pray that it would disappear - and by some miracle these prayers were answered. Now however - all I have left is a flat ass in place of the bubble butt that used to reside there. As an adult - having this post protrusion is considered very aesthetically pleasing.

Now all I pray for is a big ole ass. I want me a baller caller ass. I want to be able to walk into a club and have people rest their drinks on my ass and I dont even know its there. I want the ever elusive 'shelf'. I want an ass like Miss Sophia on the Colour Purple. Or even Beyonce would do.

For the moment...Im stuffing.....