So - I think I will be generous and provide you with two groundbreaking posts today. As you can see from the title this one is going to be heavily peppered with hard hitting journalism. I guess I have a lot to say today - so one lighthearted and one serious should work. Compromise. Lovely.
Anyhoo - I was told yesterday that I have a flat ass. HORRIFIED by this statement I ran to the nearest mirror. I just dont understand it. I looked at my (hot) reflection and my worst fears were confirmed. Not even squatting like a frog made my ass pop.
Now I know youre thinking how could I not be cosmically aware of the dimensions of my derriere - butt here is breif background. At school I had a huge ass courtesy of my mother. I was very self concious about it - as I looked like I belonged in some kind of indeginous tribe. J-Lo had nothing on me. I used to pray that it would disappear - and by some miracle these prayers were answered. Now however - all I have left is a flat ass in place of the bubble butt that used to reside there. As an adult - having this post protrusion is considered very aesthetically pleasing.
Now all I pray for is a big ole ass. I want me a baller caller ass. I want to be able to walk into a club and have people rest their drinks on my ass and I dont even know its there. I want the ever elusive 'shelf'. I want an ass like Miss Sophia on the Colour Purple. Or even Beyonce would do.
For the moment...Im stuffing.....
Sunday 31 January 2010
Thursday 28 January 2010
Love Lockdown
A very controversial topic. I was asked the other day if I am still doing the 'Online Thing'. While I have more online profiles floating around in cyber space then NASA has satelites in real space, I am not actively involved in finding my other half at the moment.
Im no stranger to manufacturing an alias. I have been McDreamy, McSteamy, McCookieMonster, JarJarBinx, Jaba The Hut (my fat days), RideThePole, ClimbThe12inchMountainToHeaven, WhoresAmI and my all time favourite RideMyAssLikeZorro.
Ok - So Im not actually that crude (please believe me). But for me - online love affairs have not churned out the Jane Austen romance that I always dreamed of as a little girl. Uhm... Well you know what I mean. Splendour in the Grass is a very different tale to Spleandour in the ass.
I have had my fair share of circus freaks too. There was the married alcoholic doctor. The only reason I continued dating him was the mere fact that he bore a striking resemblance to Jude Law. But the alcoholism was a deal breaker. Theres only room for one boozehound in my relationships.....Besides he drank all my wine.
Then there were some less frightening creatures whom I actually liked but I was thrown the infamous 'Lets just be friends' sorrygram.
Then there were some less frightening creatures whom I actually liked but I was thrown the infamous 'Lets just be friends' sorrygram.
So all in all - my batting odds have not been good over the last three years. One real love. (Not via an online method). Two pieces of a heart after it died. Countless dates. Even more countless kisses with frogs (from my clubbing days). No real realationships.
Hmmmm. Not so good! I am however hoping that Micahel Bubles latest hit rings true - I just havent met you yet. 
Monday 25 January 2010
El Dentista
So the weekend started off a bit rocky for me. Firstly and most disappointingly, my scale revealed that I had gained 500g in the past week. This hit me harder than Edward reuniting with that faceless hag Beeno in New Moon (I think thats her - name - it escapes me)
Anyhoo - after a week of running till I saw spots, chasing away the meat heads in the weight section and the infamous bugs bunny diet (raw carrots and water), I was expecting the scale to launch me into space for being the one weightless person in the galaxy. Launch me - it did not. Instead it rudely shouted out the numbers at me - and followed the already painful insult with a 'Better luck next time you fat ass bad mammer jammer'
Now excited by the prospect of eating everything in my fridge (including an entire tub of butter) I felt my mood lifting. Then it dawned on me that I had a frightful appointment with....the Dentist.
Eat - I did not. Instead I brushed my teeth and tested my breath. I entered the dental surgery with trepidation - I knew my stint in the UK left me with less than perfect teeth thanks to the glory that is the NHS - but what awaited me was even more shocking. Enter Dr. McHottie Patottie. This man was so beautiful I thought I would faint when he shook my hand.
He asked the usual questions and began his examination...
Dr MHP: I see you have a cavity....
Me: Are you going to be the bad boy that fills it?
Dr MHP: Open Wide please
Me: Why I never! Without the offer of a drink at the very least? How easy do you think I am?
DR MHP: Could you please stop talking so I can drill and fill your cavity?
Me: What the hell kind of shop are you operating here? Do you speak to all your patients like this (*please say no*!)
Dr MHP: Sir - you have a decaying tooth. I would like to remove the decay, and replace it. Your jokes are old and tired.
Me: Okay okay - so you arent gonna buy me a drink - but how about hooking me up with that there anesthetic?
The beautiful doctor then proceeded to get very far into my mouth. I was afraid that I would knock him out with my noxious halitosis breath - but he instead commented on how sparkly my teeth were. Quite bemused at being told I was as strikingly beautiful as Edward Cullen (well in my head anyway) I let the poor doctor finish his work, while only occasionaly trying to lick his gloved hand.
I left feeling frustrated and tired. I had spent an hour in a confined room with one of the hottest men alive who saw more of me than some of my previous lovers, leaving with all my clothes on and a bill.
Anyhoo - after a week of running till I saw spots, chasing away the meat heads in the weight section and the infamous bugs bunny diet (raw carrots and water), I was expecting the scale to launch me into space for being the one weightless person in the galaxy. Launch me - it did not. Instead it rudely shouted out the numbers at me - and followed the already painful insult with a 'Better luck next time you fat ass bad mammer jammer'
Now excited by the prospect of eating everything in my fridge (including an entire tub of butter) I felt my mood lifting. Then it dawned on me that I had a frightful appointment with....the Dentist.
Eat - I did not. Instead I brushed my teeth and tested my breath. I entered the dental surgery with trepidation - I knew my stint in the UK left me with less than perfect teeth thanks to the glory that is the NHS - but what awaited me was even more shocking. Enter Dr. McHottie Patottie. This man was so beautiful I thought I would faint when he shook my hand.
He asked the usual questions and began his examination...
Dr MHP: I see you have a cavity....
Me: Are you going to be the bad boy that fills it?
Dr MHP: Open Wide please
Me: Why I never! Without the offer of a drink at the very least? How easy do you think I am?
DR MHP: Could you please stop talking so I can drill and fill your cavity?
Me: What the hell kind of shop are you operating here? Do you speak to all your patients like this (*please say no*!)
Dr MHP: Sir - you have a decaying tooth. I would like to remove the decay, and replace it. Your jokes are old and tired.
Me: Okay okay - so you arent gonna buy me a drink - but how about hooking me up with that there anesthetic?
The beautiful doctor then proceeded to get very far into my mouth. I was afraid that I would knock him out with my noxious halitosis breath - but he instead commented on how sparkly my teeth were. Quite bemused at being told I was as strikingly beautiful as Edward Cullen (well in my head anyway) I let the poor doctor finish his work, while only occasionaly trying to lick his gloved hand.
I left feeling frustrated and tired. I had spent an hour in a confined room with one of the hottest men alive who saw more of me than some of my previous lovers, leaving with all my clothes on and a bill.
Wednesday 20 January 2010
Ladies Night
Having been quite busy at work this last week, I neglected to read the fine print when booking 4 movie tickets for tonights screening of 'Did you hear about the Morgans?' An ardent fan of anything starring Sarah Jessica Parker (hello - there are some gay traits that are simply unshakeable) I was quite excited to find a screening on Thursday night thus ensuring that I would have the weekend free to perform other schloompfing (in)activities. So in the five minutes that I had lying around - I wolfed down a raw carrot and clicked on the 'Book Now' button. Now having something to look forward to all week, I put on my smug face and returned to my role of genereal dogs body.
Yesterday however, I had the smug knocked out of me, when the Lady Married One called to inform me that I booked tickets for the 'Ladies Night' show. Aghast that such sexist social constructs are now being enforced on something as democratic as what show you want to see when, I logged on to the website. There in the tiniest print imaginable - my worst fears were confirmed. Always having considered myself one of the ladies, (despite my penchant for kickboxing and not shaving), I was sad - the 'NO MEN ALLOWED' maxim was too much to bear. My movie plans were ruined. I still cant understand how its acceptable to allow only female patrons into a dark room where they are not going to even notice who is sitting next to them.
Not wanting to see any other movie, I have made the executive decision to go in drag. Trying not to be too OTT, I figure that this subtle disguise will ensure my entrance!!!
And No - I do not care about the poor sod sitting behind me.
Yesterday however, I had the smug knocked out of me, when the Lady Married One called to inform me that I booked tickets for the 'Ladies Night' show. Aghast that such sexist social constructs are now being enforced on something as democratic as what show you want to see when, I logged on to the website. There in the tiniest print imaginable - my worst fears were confirmed. Always having considered myself one of the ladies, (despite my penchant for kickboxing and not shaving), I was sad - the 'NO MEN ALLOWED' maxim was too much to bear. My movie plans were ruined. I still cant understand how its acceptable to allow only female patrons into a dark room where they are not going to even notice who is sitting next to them.
Not wanting to see any other movie, I have made the executive decision to go in drag. Trying not to be too OTT, I figure that this subtle disguise will ensure my entrance!!!
And No - I do not care about the poor sod sitting behind me.
Pandoras Box
Dont have much time right now - so it shant be a long one. Not even sure if it will be mildly entertaining.
So I finally got my ass to the movies and saw the latest hollywood hit movie, Avatar. Not having any preconceived ideas about the show (other than hearing that it was a mash up of Pocahontas and the Smurfs - see image) I was surprisingly BLOWN AWAY by how freaking good it was. Now I know I am not the most reliable source when it comes to free thinking - I genereally am always on board the 'conformist sheep train' (as you can tell from my deep and meaningful involvement with Edward Cullen) but I must say that this movie was really worth the overpriced '3d' ticket.
Firstly - the storyline was great. I dont care if it was similar to Captain John Smith seducing the local looker - it was good. The 3d graphics were just so surreal. And dont even get me started on the rock hard abs those tribes people had. An hour into the movie I started to notice my attraction to the sexy blue warrior. Much better eye candy than James Camerons previous 3 hour epic Titanic.
However I must admit that the most gratifying part of the night was the popcorn. Having plastered my kernels with the same amount of salt that can be found in the mediterreanean sea, I found myself needing my flashlight and compass to navigate my way out of the white mist that began to form around the salting and straw table. Five handfulls in and my palette was caked with a mixture of butter-salt, fruit chutney, sour cream and chives, salt and vinegar and BBQ...
I still havent regained full use of my oral functions.....
Monday 18 January 2010
Le Hula Hoop
So I finally caved in and made my first impulse purchase of 2010 - a hula hoop.
Having once had an incredible core - I figured that I would soon get into the swing of things and be working that hoop like Shakira. Well her hips may not lie - but mines certainly do. I cannot for the life of me get this thing to stay around my waste. Given the vast expanse of fat I have sitting around that area - you think I would have no trouble balancing this little hempisphere on my rather wide galaxy. Alas.... I stood there in my garden with the neighbours suspiciously eyeing me out from the corners of their windows no doubt wondering which circus I was unceremoniously booted out of.
I tried to imagine I was using my hips for ...ahem....something a bit more fun but just as rhythmical - but not even that could help my atrocious hip/balance co-ordination.
After twenty minutes of attempts I gave up - and I convinced myself that since I could keep the hoop afloat on my neck - it was only a matter of time before I remastered the art of shaking my hips.
To make myself feel better I baked a batch of nutella cupcakes and consoled myself with the fact that you cant be an extraordinary baker and shaker in one lifetime....Thats just being greedy!
Thursday 14 January 2010
Scary Movie
I dont like being scared. Infact - I would rather see a chick flick than a scary movie any day of the week(Unless its starring my hubby R-Patz). I have a very weak constitution for all things eerie and supernatural. Seriously. I threw up in the Blair Witch project. In a paper 'Sweet from Heaven' popcorn bag which I snuck into the cinema cos I was too cheap to spring for the expensive kind at the movie kiosk. Classy. When I could feel the leakage that extra R10 wasnt looking so bad....
Alas I digress again....
So i go over to the 'Married Ones' (these are the only 2 people in the world I know that actually have a happy marirage) and for some reason these two love getting the frights. Last week for instance, I was invited around for high tea on a Friday afternoon, and instead of being greeted with a scone - I entered the doorway to hell where not only was I regailed with real life ghost stories by my hosts, but there on the TV was some poor girl engaging in a meet and greet with a zombie everytime she opened a garbage bag. Instead of just living in her own filth, the teenager continued to take the trash out expectantly waiting for another crap your pants inducing creature to pop out and scare the bejeeebers out of her.
So yesterday the lady Married one calls me and asks for some company as the man Married one has been working late all work and last night was to be no different. The lady Married one does not like being alone, and is, yes wait for it.....scared! So I go over, smokes in one hand, red velvet cupcakes in the other and walk in to find.....Another freaking HORROR movie on the TV trying to disguise itself as ambient background music.....
Me: Uhm..... WTF is that?
LMO: hahhahahahaah
Me: Didnt you call me over cos you are scared?
LMO: Yaaaaaaaaaaaaaaa!
Me: Then why the freaking heck is that blonde chickie spinning her hair around and screaming?
LMO: Oh shut up man - lets go smoke....
We sat outside in the airless summer heat, smoking nonchalantly, but in the corner of my eye I could still see the freakish lady doing what can only be descibed as a mash up of Michael Jackson's Thriller and Lionel Richies Dancing on the Ceiling....
After the man Married One arrvied, I left and was sure I could see a pair of eyes on my back seat. After letting out a horrifyingly blood curdling scream I realised it was only my eyes in the rear view mirror that caused the reaction. Oooh Sexy i though as I composed myself.
In any event there is a far more chilling fate awaiting me. On monday the boss man is back.
Eek.
Alas I digress again....
So i go over to the 'Married Ones' (these are the only 2 people in the world I know that actually have a happy marirage) and for some reason these two love getting the frights. Last week for instance, I was invited around for high tea on a Friday afternoon, and instead of being greeted with a scone - I entered the doorway to hell where not only was I regailed with real life ghost stories by my hosts, but there on the TV was some poor girl engaging in a meet and greet with a zombie everytime she opened a garbage bag. Instead of just living in her own filth, the teenager continued to take the trash out expectantly waiting for another crap your pants inducing creature to pop out and scare the bejeeebers out of her.
So yesterday the lady Married one calls me and asks for some company as the man Married one has been working late all work and last night was to be no different. The lady Married one does not like being alone, and is, yes wait for it.....scared! So I go over, smokes in one hand, red velvet cupcakes in the other and walk in to find.....Another freaking HORROR movie on the TV trying to disguise itself as ambient background music.....
Me: Uhm..... WTF is that?
LMO: hahhahahahaah
Me: Didnt you call me over cos you are scared?
LMO: Yaaaaaaaaaaaaaaa!
Me: Then why the freaking heck is that blonde chickie spinning her hair around and screaming?
LMO: Oh shut up man - lets go smoke....
We sat outside in the airless summer heat, smoking nonchalantly, but in the corner of my eye I could still see the freakish lady doing what can only be descibed as a mash up of Michael Jackson's Thriller and Lionel Richies Dancing on the Ceiling....
After the man Married One arrvied, I left and was sure I could see a pair of eyes on my back seat. After letting out a horrifyingly blood curdling scream I realised it was only my eyes in the rear view mirror that caused the reaction. Oooh Sexy i though as I composed myself.
In any event there is a far more chilling fate awaiting me. On monday the boss man is back.
Eek.
Wednesday 13 January 2010
Soup for Supper
In my never ending quest to seek out the six pack just dying to be found under the comforting layers of visceral fat - I am trying a new plan. Its not a diet - but a lifestlye change.
Its called soup for supper. I eat normal 'ABS diet' stuff during the day - do a workout everyday - and then feed my ravenous body with soup. Maybe two carrot sticks for dessert if I am in the mood to be extravagant.
Why torture myself you may ask? Well being a former fitness fanatic - I would like to get back to the point where I can run at a high speed for a long distance without the aid of my nebulizer misting up my lungs so I dont pass out... Also I have wild romantic fantasies of finally getting the ever elusive 'V'. In anatomy I think the scientific terms are 'Apollos belt', 'iliac furrow' and the ever popular 'come f*** me muscles'. Google it. In private. The images are haunting. Think Michael Phelps, Ryk Neethling, Edward Cullen!
What will I do with this 'V' I hear you ponder? Simple! I will never leave the house again! I will stay in bed all day every day with myself! I think I finally would have found what I am looking for - a deep, spiritual love with me and my 'V'. This will be the year - I can feel it!
To get there I will be making an important purchase this weekend. A hula hoop. I figure it will help me get better at other 'rhythm necessary activities' too. Alas, I digress - I'm now thinking about what a long drought its been! Sadly the only thing I am going to have today to quench the thirst is some green tea!
Adios!
Its called soup for supper. I eat normal 'ABS diet' stuff during the day - do a workout everyday - and then feed my ravenous body with soup. Maybe two carrot sticks for dessert if I am in the mood to be extravagant.
Why torture myself you may ask? Well being a former fitness fanatic - I would like to get back to the point where I can run at a high speed for a long distance without the aid of my nebulizer misting up my lungs so I dont pass out... Also I have wild romantic fantasies of finally getting the ever elusive 'V'. In anatomy I think the scientific terms are 'Apollos belt', 'iliac furrow' and the ever popular 'come f*** me muscles'. Google it. In private. The images are haunting. Think Michael Phelps, Ryk Neethling, Edward Cullen!
What will I do with this 'V' I hear you ponder? Simple! I will never leave the house again! I will stay in bed all day every day with myself! I think I finally would have found what I am looking for - a deep, spiritual love with me and my 'V'. This will be the year - I can feel it!
To get there I will be making an important purchase this weekend. A hula hoop. I figure it will help me get better at other 'rhythm necessary activities' too. Alas, I digress - I'm now thinking about what a long drought its been! Sadly the only thing I am going to have today to quench the thirst is some green tea!
Adios!
Tuesday 12 January 2010
Traffic
Its back people -
Like the cockroach under the fridge that just wont die - the Joburg Traffic is back. Describing this morning as painful and 'vein opening inducing' would be the understatement of the year. It wouldnt be unfair to say that the rush hour traffic is the bane of my existance - considering that there was more space between my foot and the accelerator then there was between my car and the one in front of me - I think I am justified in my analysis.
As I sang completely off key to distract myself from the fact that I was still single, still in a terrible job and worst of all, that I was still hovering at Marlboro Drive for the last twenty minutes, I cocked my head to the side, to see.....a real hottie patottie. Not quite in the league of my beloved Edward Cullen, although he could have passed for a second cousin twice removed.
Having roused the suspicions of the HP (well not so much roused as 'freaked the living crap out of him' by donning my monacle for a closer look) he tried to speed up. Not willing to let my chance at marriage get away on the M1, I followed intently. As we came to another deadlock, I knew I had to talk to him.
Me: Hi - Hey - ....HELLLLLLLO CAN YOU HEAR ME.....
HP : (Puts window down cautiously) Uhm - Can I help you?
Me: YES!!!! Are you SINGLE?
HP: Uhm..... Yes......
Me: STRAAAAAAAAAAIGHT?
HP: Yes - Im heading straight -
Me: NO!!!!! Are you STRAAAAAAAIGHT?
HP: Uhm.... No....... You?
Me: The home affairs office is at this off ramp - shall we go get registered?
HP: Uhm... Would you like a tissue - You appear to be drowning in your own drool....
Me: Forget that!!! Where would you like to honeymoon?
HP: The traffic is moving - BYEEE!!!!!!!!!
He zoomed off with a rather deer in the head light-ish look. Horrified at being jilted on my own wedding day, I changed the song to a dark and moody love song, wiped away the tears and reminisced over the happy memories shared between me and my almost husband.
Like the cockroach under the fridge that just wont die - the Joburg Traffic is back. Describing this morning as painful and 'vein opening inducing' would be the understatement of the year. It wouldnt be unfair to say that the rush hour traffic is the bane of my existance - considering that there was more space between my foot and the accelerator then there was between my car and the one in front of me - I think I am justified in my analysis.
As I sang completely off key to distract myself from the fact that I was still single, still in a terrible job and worst of all, that I was still hovering at Marlboro Drive for the last twenty minutes, I cocked my head to the side, to see.....a real hottie patottie. Not quite in the league of my beloved Edward Cullen, although he could have passed for a second cousin twice removed.
Having roused the suspicions of the HP (well not so much roused as 'freaked the living crap out of him' by donning my monacle for a closer look) he tried to speed up. Not willing to let my chance at marriage get away on the M1, I followed intently. As we came to another deadlock, I knew I had to talk to him.
Me: Hi - Hey - ....HELLLLLLLO CAN YOU HEAR ME.....
HP : (Puts window down cautiously) Uhm - Can I help you?
Me: YES!!!! Are you SINGLE?
HP: Uhm..... Yes......
Me: STRAAAAAAAAAAIGHT?
HP: Yes - Im heading straight -
Me: NO!!!!! Are you STRAAAAAAAIGHT?
HP: Uhm.... No....... You?
Me: The home affairs office is at this off ramp - shall we go get registered?
HP: Uhm... Would you like a tissue - You appear to be drowning in your own drool....
Me: Forget that!!! Where would you like to honeymoon?
HP: The traffic is moving - BYEEE!!!!!!!!!
He zoomed off with a rather deer in the head light-ish look. Horrified at being jilted on my own wedding day, I changed the song to a dark and moody love song, wiped away the tears and reminisced over the happy memories shared between me and my almost husband.
Monday 11 January 2010
Bat-tle against the Fat-tle....See what I did there?!
So I have just recently drafted a post - in which I explain my intentions to finally get rid off all the - post breakup, post festive, post job stress, post its Friday I should celebrate by eating a bucket of KFC downed with 2 bottles of 5th Avenue Cold Duck - weight.
In this draft, I wrote about my ups and downs - and my exact measurements and exact feelings - in a loosey goosey chronological order, punctuated with funny banter and smart similes. However something about it worried me. Not only did it detail my erratic weight distribution, but it explained at length the horrible relationship drama that caused it. Someone recently told me that I seem defeated and I carry this love gone wrong story around like a tatty old rucksack. Trust me - all my emotional baggage comes in matching Louis Vuitton. So this is why I ditched that post (as creative as it was - there was a time machine and everything!) and opted for this one - a much more light hearted yet still honest post.
Inspired by one of my favourite blogs (www.baglett.blogspot.com) I intend to also not approach life in this serious manner - but rather enjoy it (or at least try to). Dont be surprised if you see some similarities - after all - imitation is the sincerest form of flattery.....
Anyway - last year this time I was (x-15)kgs where x = Current 'Fat Ass Heffer' weight. However two years ago this time I was at my all time high of (x+20)kgs so Im still pretty ok compared to where I have been.
The goal is to get back to (x-15)kgs - and then possible lose another 8. Come on people - keep up with the Maths. Its back to school time today. Not an impossible feat as I have done it before. But Frakking Difficult! Especially for one such an undisciplined specimen such as me. Add to that my penchant for pasta - and it's going to be a long and arduous journey.
So - Let the Diary Begin.
Day one of Eternity
Weight - Someone please buzz my forklift in so I can be hauled out of my house and get to work kg's.
Actual Food so far - Protein Sandwich and 15 almonds, Green Tea.
Imagined Food so far - 1Kg King Prawns, Triple Chocolate Sundae, 5 Margaritas, Nachos Muchos Grande, After Dinner Mint.
Food to go - Carby Lunch and CabDriver Feet soup - urm I mean pea and mint Soup.
Activity Levels - Currently Schloompfing, but, will go to gym by 12pm as boss is not in.
Wow at this Rate I will be at my Mens Health photo shoot in no time!!!
In this draft, I wrote about my ups and downs - and my exact measurements and exact feelings - in a loosey goosey chronological order, punctuated with funny banter and smart similes. However something about it worried me. Not only did it detail my erratic weight distribution, but it explained at length the horrible relationship drama that caused it. Someone recently told me that I seem defeated and I carry this love gone wrong story around like a tatty old rucksack. Trust me - all my emotional baggage comes in matching Louis Vuitton. So this is why I ditched that post (as creative as it was - there was a time machine and everything!) and opted for this one - a much more light hearted yet still honest post.
Inspired by one of my favourite blogs (www.baglett.blogspot.com) I intend to also not approach life in this serious manner - but rather enjoy it (or at least try to). Dont be surprised if you see some similarities - after all - imitation is the sincerest form of flattery.....
Anyway - last year this time I was (x-15)kgs where x = Current 'Fat Ass Heffer' weight. However two years ago this time I was at my all time high of (x+20)kgs so Im still pretty ok compared to where I have been.
The goal is to get back to (x-15)kgs - and then possible lose another 8. Come on people - keep up with the Maths. Its back to school time today. Not an impossible feat as I have done it before. But Frakking Difficult! Especially for one such an undisciplined specimen such as me. Add to that my penchant for pasta - and it's going to be a long and arduous journey.
So - Let the Diary Begin.
Day one of Eternity
Weight - Someone please buzz my forklift in so I can be hauled out of my house and get to work kg's.
Actual Food so far - Protein Sandwich and 15 almonds, Green Tea.
Imagined Food so far - 1Kg King Prawns, Triple Chocolate Sundae, 5 Margaritas, Nachos Muchos Grande, After Dinner Mint.
Food to go - Carby Lunch and CabDriver Feet soup - urm I mean pea and mint Soup.
Activity Levels - Currently Schloompfing, but, will go to gym by 12pm as boss is not in.
Wow at this Rate I will be at my Mens Health photo shoot in no time!!!
Wednesday 6 January 2010
Changes
Ok people - so I have written a total of three whopping posts to date! This year is going to be different - I dont care who reads this and who doesnt - As part of my new years resolutions to do what I love in this one life that I have - I shall endeavour to write a sort of diary through this wonderful vehicle called blogging....
A note of caution - if youre wearing socks - be prepared to have them blown off!
What happened today? Hmmm - nothing of note! Wear socks tomorrow -
Now I have an urgent deadline - so today will not be a biggie. Im going to attempt to drag my walrus sized ass to the gym (went a total of once in December) after work and then possibly see a movie (or go home and watch grey's - some things never change!)....
Much Love and Later Dayz!
CM
A note of caution - if youre wearing socks - be prepared to have them blown off!
What happened today? Hmmm - nothing of note! Wear socks tomorrow -
Now I have an urgent deadline - so today will not be a biggie. Im going to attempt to drag my walrus sized ass to the gym (went a total of once in December) after work and then possibly see a movie (or go home and watch grey's - some things never change!)....
Much Love and Later Dayz!
CM
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